Q. Since we have started “baby-making” both of us have a lot more stress around making love. Is this normal?

A.  “Not again!”… When you are trying to conceive, sex can become anything but enjoyable. Fear of failure, fertility medications, performance anxiety…all help cause at least 1/3 of infertile couples to develop some level of sexual dysfunction often coupled with depression. Because conception requires intercourse, if sexual dysfunction arises, TTC couples “keep at it” even if positive feelings about their sexual relationship diminish. Studies can’t agree which is the chicken or the egg (depression because of lack of fulfilling intimacy or poor quality sex because of depression?), but one thing is sure, almost all infertile couples go through some mourning for the loss of a “normal” sex life.

Well, who cares if you enjoy making love or not while trying-to-conceive? After all, you want a baby! Actually, the quality of intimacy you have during “that time of the month”, (when you are fertile of course!) can be critical. First of all, numerous studies have shown that the more stimulated or “turned on” the man is the more motile sperm he can produce. Significant increases in sperm counts and sperm motility have been found following more foreplay and/or stimulation before ejaculation. In particular, for men with low sperm counts, spending time getting your husband good and in the mood, should be a part of the plan.

Enjoyable intercourse isn’t just good for sperm counts. Overall marital discord is lower in couples that enjoy satisfying sexual relations even when the woman is ovulating. The investigators in this study found that couples who are able to stay in sync in the bedroom while working on procreation, were better able to function as a team in dealing with the larger issues and stresses of infertility.
One common TTC complication is vaginal dryness in the female partner, with 75% of TTC couples reporting an increased incidence during timed intercourse. Fear of failure and fertility medications can make many women lack natural lubrication. Unfortunately, three decades of research have shown that most vaginal lubricants cause rapid losses in sperm motility and viability, equivalent to contraceptive gels. This is true even if they don’t contain a spermicide and even if they are water based. There is tremendous misinformation on this topic. However, Pre~Seed has been recently introduced for couples who need relief from vaginal dryness while trying to conceive. Being able to have intercourse throughout your fertile time, without pain, is an important part of TTC and is important for your well being as a couple.

Once dryness isn’t an issue, use your fertile time to experiment with new things to up the romance and sizzle while making love. Although overstated, it often isn’t implemented during TTC because everyone’s stress levels can preclude being more imaginative. Most importantly, when you are making a baby take time at least once a month to recall why you fell in love, and to put some of that same energy you used to put into planning a special rendezvous into enjoying each other, even if you happen to be ovulating! Don’t blame each other when things get sideways, but be creative and communicative to find new ways to enjoy your intimate friendship.

Dr. E

Which 2 Days Should We BD?

Q: After TTC for a few months, DH started getting some performance issues where he couldn't maintain his erection and finish the job. I never made a big deal about it, although it is so frustrating. I decided to tell him that we should not really "try" for a few months and just see what happens with getting pregnant, in hopes of taking the pressure off of him so that he wouldn't know when my fertile time was. We're not a very sexually active couple, (normally only twice a month or so), so it's not very easy to trick him. However, for the past two months, he hasn't known that we've been "trying". He can usually DTD two nights in a row, so I've just been pretending to be really turned on for two nights. The problem is I don't know which two nights I should choose. I've been getting a + OPK in the morning, and I know I should DTD that night that I get the + for sure. But should the other day be the day BEFORE the +, or the day AFTER the +? I worry that the day before is too soon and useless, but what if I O in the afternoon the day after the +? Then doing it that night wouldn't be as good of a choice, would it? All I can think about is trying to decide which two days we should DTD. I wish so bad we were able to do it three days in a row, which would cover all bases, but I'm afraid to tell DH we're "trying" for fear that he won't be able to perform at all. So I guess 2 days are better than none. I feel like I'm carrying all this burden myself because I can't talk to him about it because I don't want to pressure him. What can I do?

A: Thanks for a great question. There are actually two components to this.

One is about timing in relationship to an ovulation predictor...

The other is about managing your love life while TTC.

Let's start with the second. I suggest that you read my post about DH's that have issues with TTC sex. Low dose Viagra and fertility vitamins may be just what your DH needs, to have a less stressful time w/ TTC.

In addition I would suggest that as a couple you look at how to improve your intimacy. I say this b/c one of the easiest things to do to improve your chance of conception is to have regular intercourse 2- 3 times a week. What happens is when couples work too hard to time things: they can miss the right time, they have increased stress which can really impact conception rates from both a male and a female perspective; and they have less sex during the non-fertile time which actually decreases sperm counts. Some studies have actually shown better conception rates for couples having untimed regular intercourse as compared to couples using detailed methods to time things.

What I have found at the ripe old age of 46 is that intimacy becomes much more fun as you age. As a couple, you become better about scheduling time for just yourselves. You stop worrying as much about body image. You learn to discuss things that may result in resentment or power struggles that can get mixed up in intimacy. You learn to be more adventurous and take the time to try new things. You take time for massage and nonsexual touching... All of the above are things that you two should try to fast forward and put in place NOW rather than waiting until you are older. You need to jump start your sex lives now... in order to have intercourse more frequently and "unload" this whole process. Also, it is important for his sperm count! You two may decide to take 2-3 months where you throw all timing out the window, but you make sure you have intercourse twice a week and you change your lives to facilitate this for a period of time. If DH needs some Viagra fine, but it may be getting you both on a fertility vitamin will do the trick.

If you choose to keep doing what you are doing... about 50% of women ovulate 1 day after the LH peak (as tested with Clear Plan) and another 40% ovulate 2 days after the peak. An issue is as you eluded to, are you testing at the beginning or end of your peak-- the rise itself will show up for about 24 hrs. The egg remains viable for only a short while after ovulation with increasing rates of miscarriage as you get an aging oocyte.

The highest rate of conception (33% chance) occurs with an insemination the day before ovulation--but unless you have daily ultrasound you can't know exactly when this will be. Additionally, high conception rates occur with intercourse on the last day of egg white cervical mucus. So I would suggest you learn to chart CM changes also. Read Toni Weschler's book to learn about this. Inseminations much AFTER ovulation are less valuable.

Taking all this together- and assuming DH has a normal sperm count! I suggest that you have intercourse the evening after your peak and again 24 hours later. This way you should have fresh sperm available if you are in the group that ovulates at 1 day or at 2 days. Alternatively, if it is easier for DH to go with a break in between...you could go on your first day of egg white CM and then 48 hrs later. It will be interesting for you to determine how your kit peak relates to the EWCM... I think between these two you can devise the best schedule... unless you are brave enough to stop the timing for a few months and work on having fun, relaxed sex 2-3 times a week on a regular basis . Using Pre~Seed of course to keep things slippery!

Keep me posted!

Dr. E

Why Hasn’t My Doctor Heard of Pre~Seed

Q. I asked my doctor about Pre~Seed, and they hadn’t hear of it. If it is a good product why don’t they know about it?

A. Sometimes we get asked why some physicians in the US still don’t know about Pre~Seed. Most companies that sell major label products have representatives that visit doctor’s offices on a regular basis to share new studies, to provide samples of product and to buy the docs lunch or a golf game. Our company is very small, and heavily involved in building scientific validation of our product line. This means we spend most of our free funds for research studies– such as the one FDA requested that we run on Pre’ to confirm that concentrations as high as 50% did not harm fertilization or embryo development (in animal studies). Over time these studies have been presented at scientific meetings and are being published. You can see these studies or tell your doctor about them by viewing our newsflash button or the Reference Library at our home site.

Even though papers get published, docs often are not aware of them, as there is just too much info for them to keep up on! For example, there are numerous published studies citing the damaging effects of Astroglide(R) or Replens(R) on sperm function. However, many docs even fertility specialists, still recommend these brands to their patients.

Some physicians even do “studies” in their own labs– but the problem with these are the study designs are not set up right to test a true scientific hypothesis. This would mean, for example, that the study they did could never be published as it wasn’t designed or implemented correctly. We know this is the case, as a few people have contacted us to say their doc “tested” Pre~Seed in their own labs but that the sperm didn’t like it. Usually what these clinics are testing is the “Reynold’s effect” of Pre~Seed, not the toxicity. A complicated name for this: you and your neighbor race each other in side by side olympic pools- yours is filled with water, his is filled with molasses— OF COURSE he will swim slower because the molasses is more thick (viscous)- but it is not toxic to him. Likewise, if people don’t design a study of Pre~Seed’s effect on sperm correctly- they see a slow down (from the thickness) and mistakenly call it “harm”. When we are contacted by clinics where this has happened, we send them the testing protocol for lubricant toxicity developed by Dr. Mortimer (who helped write the WHO sperm guidelines) – this is the protocol used in the other published studies, showing a toxic effect of the leading lubricants. Much to everyone’s great joy- when the studies are done right the clinics see how mild Pre~Seed is!!! Of course we know this true, as even 50% Pre or Pre~Seed doesn’t harm in vitro fertilization or embryo development using animal models. But also, not surprising if you put sperm in semen with this much Pre~Seed- they will slow down for a short time- as it is too thick for them to swim the same speed as without the Pre~Seed- but it doesn’t hurt them. Obviously, given all the positive User’s Stories we receive!!

Because our company is so small, we really rely on those of you who have used our products and tell others about them Some of you probably don’t know our history, but when I first introduced Pre~Seed, we had a big fancy venture capital fund investing. They liked the product, and my patents on arabinogalactan to help sperm, so much they tried to steal them from me. They also thought they could charge a LOT more for the Pre~Seed. In fact, they dried up supplies to see what people would pay- some of you may remember those days back in 2003- when a box of Pre~Seed was going for $200 on eBay!!!!!!!

Once I regained control of the Company, my husband and I decided we would rather go slowly, on the evidence of science and our loyal users–then risk having investors further exploit trying to conceive couples. So we are slowly getting more and more clinics that use and love our products… without that golf game or fancy lunch. If you have a doctor that we can send our information packet to- for sure email us at info@preseed.com with their contact and we can send them samples and our science review.

Thanks!
Dr. E

Wiping DH off when it is too Slippery

I get concerns from couples who find things too slippery sometimes for the man to ejaculate. This can occur with or without Pre~Seed. You do not need to stop or have a stressful end to love making when this happens. I went thru this with a partner one time who was taking antidepressants, so I KNOW how bad this makes you feel as a woman.

Face it ladies we have all felt those times when the big O is eluding us and we get cranky , so you know how he is feeling even if you feel totally possessive of those sperm and want them delivered NOW!

Discuss BEFORE hand that if DH is feeling numb and a lack of "traction" so he thinks he won't ejaculate, have him stop and do the following before he gets really frustrated.

He needs to pull out and you can either: 1) use the sheet or a towel to wipe your vulva and his penis off (wipe yourself down pretty firmly and inside a bit) or 2) you can use your hands to give him some good old hand action until things start to dry up- but do also dry yourself off with your hands or your sheets.

Usually, once that initial arousal fluid is made, your body won't make so much again - so things will stay dried out.

Also read my post when DH doesn't like TTC sex, for some different positions to get more pressure on him. Thi sis what he is needing, so often just drying off osn't enough, but you also need to change up positions and pressure on his parts.

Finally, if the slickery's are from Pre~Seed, next time you use it, put it in more like an hour before you begin TTC. Also make sure you put it in sitting on the toilet , and bare down to expel any extra you don't need. Then wipe off well with a tissue.

In general, "don't worry be happy!"

Dr. E

Getting the Most Slippery Out of Pre~Seed

Q. We used the Pre-Seed for the first time last night, and it did not provide enough lubrication. I was wondering if I am too dry for this product?

A. Our most common product complaint is actually that the Pre~Seed is too slippery for some folks, but occasionally, using the product as directed isn’t enough for some couples in some situations.

For couples who need a little more help, try this. It isn't "romantic," but it should help ☺. Lie down in bed right BEFORE making love to apply the Pre~Seed. Shake the Pre-Seed tube down vigorously towards the narrow end, twist the tab off and put your finger over the opening. Lay on you back, with your knees up and insert the applicator in as far as you can.

Squeeze down on the bulb 3-4 times, and KEEP the bulb shut from the last squeeze while withdrawing the applicator. This is VERY important so you don’t suck the gel back up!

Now you can move around in bed normally. But also take the applicator and put your finger over the end of the tube and shake it down again towards the narrow end. Then vigorously expel any remaining product into your palm (by squeezing the bulb a couple of times and shaking the tube down). This can be applied externally to you or your husband.

This should take care of things! If it doesn’t you can always use two tubes, but that would be very rare.

Once you do this, you may find that things are too slippery. If that is the case, have a hand towel nearby and you can have hubby come out to wipe both he and you off externally, and then start again. Don’t be stressed – it may take a little experience to get it just right. Keep your sense of humor as most people really enjoy the product.

Remember, if it doesn’t work for you, we always have our full "Love it or it’s Free" refund guarantee!

Top 4 Reasons for Failing to Conceive

Q. I have been trying to conceive for over a year without success. What should we do now?

A. Over 75% of the time couples that are not conceiving (that are infertile), have one of the following four problems. If you are younger than 35 yrs of age (for the woman)- have these checked out if you have not conceived in a year. If you are 35 yrs old or older, after 6 months of trying you may want to get checked out!

1) Poor Sperm Quality: At least 50% of the time, when a couple is not conceiving there is some component of abnormal or poor quality sperm. This may be all of the problem, or partially the problem (so that both the man and the woman are contributing). A sperm analysis should be done by an ANDROLOGIST or a fertility Urologist. Many RE clinics do not do sperm analyses correctly (read other FAQs here about this). IF his test is abnormal, repeat it once more to confirm the results. Also, remember with guys, quality counts! The better intercourse feels for him, and the more foreplay the MORE sperm he can make. Pre~Seed can help here to make things slippery fun!

2) Abnormal Cycle: This often has to do with hormonal abnormalities, and can be seen as failure to ovulate or cycle normally, or chemical pregnancy and losses. Working with an ObGyn or RE to evaluate how your ovaries are functioning is critical. While you are waiting, keep a careful, detailed log of when you have your period, when you have any ovulation mucus, and any other information on your cycle. The very best book on monitoring this is Toni Weschler’s book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

3) Tubal Problems: Many women have blocked tubes, that keep the sperm and egg from meeting. The only way to know if this is the case is to have special testing done. In general, couples often wait too long to have this testing. It can be helpful to know what is going on, and in some cases the testing itself can help promote conception. Especially if you have had a history of Chlamydia or bacterial vaginosis, have this checked!

4) Poorly Timed Intercourse: Many couples do not have intercourse at the right time. Specifically, some women ovulate a little later than OPKs suggest. So they are quitting the baby dance too soon. If you are unsure at all, regular intercourse 2-3 times a week has been shown to be almost as effective as every day well timed intercourse. Too many couples have daily sex for 2-3 days early on at ovulation and then stop, only to have actually missed her peak time.

If you have ruled all these out, then I also suggest you have a sperm chromatin assay done, to make sure the DNA in his sperm is of an adequate quality to support conception.

Good Luck

Dr. E